38 Things I've Learned in 38 Years
I celebrated my 38th birthday this past week. It's not a milestone birthday, and I almost forgot about myself. Fortunately, my family didn't.
Anyway, I'm not going to make a long intro to this, as if I'm a recipe blogger talking about the family history of their cornbread recipe before actually listing the ingredients. Thought I'd quickly share 38 things I've learned in my less-brief-than-this-time-last-year time on this earth. These are in no particular order.
Spoiler alert: very few of these are deep and meaningful. Tamper your expectations accordingly.
Little kids make birthdays awesome. I mentioned earlier that I had almost forgotten about my birthday. The kids did not. They were extremely hyped about my birthday the days leading into it and did countdowns every day. It was a lot of fun.
Reading is important. I don't mean scrolling your phone, reading two-thirds of an article, sharing it without context, and doomscrolling. I mean reading books, sitting with a narrative and article, and reading it from start to finish. Early in my career, I had a boss who constantly nagged me about what I was reading. It was annoying then, but like a lot of life lessons, I appreciate it more with age.
People love reading lists. This was true early in the internet. It's true now. People like to read lists, so I made this post a list.
Exercise regularly. This isn't new advice. And you don't have to do anything crazy like train for a marathon or a tough mudder. Doing little things consistently builds up over time. It's great for your health and your brain.
Little habits compound over time. This is part of my motivation for exercise. While I sometimes train for something in the short term (e.g., Megan and I are doing a Hyrox event in April), I'm mainly exercising to make aging easier down the road. The same goes for reading, sleep patterns, diving into your faith, learning, etc. A few minutes a day bettering yourself doesn't feel like you move the needle now but compounds a lot over time.
Sleep is important. Like really important. Consistently having good sleep hygiene helps me in everything. I can tell when I haven't prioritized it. And people at work and my family at home probably can, too - for the worse. I know folks who brag about how little they sleep or that they can get by on just five hours and function fine. I'm pretty sure they aren't faring as well as they think. Back to #5, those patterns catch up to you over time.
I can't ask my kids to do something I wouldn't do myself. Whether it's spending less time on a screen, reading more, having certain habits, etc, I shouldn't hold my kids to a higher standard than I hold myself. They're going to learn more by watching me than by obeying a list of rules.
Peppermint oil is a great solution to an ant problem. There is not a life lesson here. We just have ant problems sometimes in the spring and peppermint oil seems to be a great non-toxic solution.
Physically hang out with people. We feel like we socialize with folks on our screens...and in a way that's true. But interacting with humans on a 2D surface makes us dehumanize people over time and view them as opinions, ideas, or stereotypes instead of real humans just trying to make it out there. Seeing people in person is a significant step to reduce that from happening.
Hang out with different types of people. Especially now. It's so easy to get in a bubble of like-minded people. Because it's comfortable. Relationships with people who aren't like you or think or believe like you are great. It helps you humanize those that our social media algorithms try to (and often successfully) turn into avatars as "the other." I have multiple circles of friends in different areas of my life and am better for it. Jesus himself hung out with people who clearly had a different set of values than he did - and he's a good example of how to treat people.
Be okay with having your beliefs challenged. This is different than being actively bullied or mistreated for your beliefs. But if someone does try to challenge your thinking, it's okay. It's sometimes OK to change your mind after being presented with new information. In other cases, challenging your beliefs can reinforce your previously held beliefs. In my case, I've had multiple chances or reasons to walk away from my own Christian faith over the years - but keep coming back. If you aren't confident enough in what you believe to not be able to maturely handle someone challenging them, I question whether or not you really believe them in the first place.
Only try to control what you can. There's a lot to worry about. Only focus on what you can actually control. One of those things we can all control is how we react to things that are totally out of our control. Anxiety about things totally out of our hands is a normal human emotion—but unproductive.
People are complicated. This is why having personal relationships matter so much. People surprise me all the time. You may have one specific idea of someone's belief based on what they watch, what they posted on Facebook or where they live. A lot of times, our assumptions of people based on a few observations can be wrong.
No single group is a monolith. Somewhat tangential to the above. I've heard people describe all Republicans as racist, uneducated, or that they hate people with low incomes. I've heard (from behind a church pulpit!) that all Democrats are demonic. Even people who cheer for specific sports teams have certain personality stereotypes assigned to them. None of these things are universally valid. You can't blanket label large groups of people. One, it's not helpful for public discourse. Two, and most importantly, it simply isn't true.
Don't always let your kids win. You want things to be fun and for them to know what it means to succeed. Don't be Peyton Manning in a United Way ad. But kids do learn well from micro-moments of adversity, and being able to experience that in a safe environment like home helps jump-start them for the real thing later on. At least that's my guess. My kids' therapists, decades from now, may disagree.
Travel. To the extent you have the means. The cool thing about the US is that you can experience a lot of different ways of life without needing a passport. But if you can travel abroad - do it. Megan and I have done that a few times, and it really broadens your perspective on the world and what people think of your own country.
Date your wife. We have two kids involved in activities and really demanding jobs. Making a point to get away just the two of us is super important to remind ourselves why we signed up for this life in the first place.
Spend time alone. I don't mean alone with your phone scrolling or reading. Just time with you and your thoughts. I spent an afternoon at a monastery several weeks ago without a phone or reading—one of my best-invested afternoons in 2025.
Find "third spaces." Find places where you can commune with folks over a shared interest unrelated to work or politics. Rec sports leagues, gyms, volunteer organizations, or other group-related hobbies where you don't know what someone does for a living or who they voted for. Just that you bond over this one similar interest this one time a week, and that's enough.
Your job isn't your identity—or at least shouldn't be. Over a decade ago, my grandfather passed away, and hundreds attended his visitation and funeral. He had a great career at GE. Out of that entire swarm of folks, I maybe met one or two people from his work. It made me think.
Hold your kids' interest with an open hand. Ford is a fantastic soccer player. I'm awful. Campbell loves art. I can't color inside of lines in a coloring book. Neither really have any interest in distance running like I did. While we have things we enjoy doing together, I've really enjoyed learning more and investing time in what they find interesting rather than trying to force them into my own. My gamble is that showing interest in them first will make them more receptive to my feedback over the long term - when it's appropriate to give it.
Keep up with your friends. It's hard, and I'm not great at it. I've lived in multiple states and still maintain friendships with people at all those stops. It's a lot of effort and easy to let go but I've appreciated those I still stay in touch with.
Old people rock. They have so much wisdom. Surround yourself with older folks. They've seen some things. My relationship and conversations with my grandparents have helped me keep my sanity when the world seems nuts.
Default to kindness. I'm far from perfect at this. But defaulting to kindness as a first response rarely backfires - even when it isn't necessarily deserved. After all, "kindness to an enemy is like pouring hot coals over their head."
Paying for routine maintenance now saves money later. It took me a long time to realize this, but doing those oil changes or routine AC tune-ups at the house helps us avoid massive repair bills down the road.
Save money, have an emergency fund, and invest early. We've had many stressful moments that would have been considerably worse if we hadn't prepared for the worst ahead of time.
Spend money on experiences over stuff. Traveling, attending sporting events, and getting museum memberships in town create more memories in the long run than expensive toys that eventually find their way to a Goodwill bin a year later.
Claim your farts. You aren't fooling anyone by trying to shift the blame.
Hold your career with an open hand. At my first job in Atlanta, I tweeted as a Snickers Ice Cream bar. I inadvertently started a feud between T.D. Jakes and Jeezy at another job. Last week, I was on a call discussing the impacts of a bilateral trade agreement with the UK. Life is weird. Just be open to new opportunities. You never know where they lead.
If you marry, marry well. You're going to spend a lot of time with that person. Megan and I both work from home a lot, so we see each other a lot. Make sure you enjoy hanging out with that person. I know I do. I think Megan does too?
Dogs are such a value add. Even with the indoor accidents, chewed up things and odd smells, having a dog has brought so much joy and makes the hardest days just a little bit better.
Commuting (or lack thereof) is compensation. I've had jobs where I have had long commutes. I now have one where I have decent hybrid flex and, when I do drive to work, it's not that bad (by Atlanta standards). All that said, if you have two job offers, pick the one with the shorter commute, even if it pays a little less. Life flexibility is a form of compensation.
Most of us are trying to do the best we can. None of us are perfect. We all do boneheaded things. Several of us are internalizing things that nobody knows about. Give folks grace and the benefit of the doubt that they're doing their best given their circumstances. It's easier said than done, but worth it.
Few things beat a cold beverage on a hot day while observing your newly mowed lawn. It's such a rush to see neat mowing lines while sitting on my front porch.
Be a regular at a restaurant. Or a couple of places. In Chicago, I had a hot dog stand that had my order memorized. I now have a similar relationship with two other local places in our neighborhood. Being a regular means you're supporting a small business and are loyal to them. Plus, it's a lot of fun walking into a place where the people know you by name.
Tip well when eating out. We're all in this together. Don't whip out a calculator to figure out exactly how much to tip. Take a guess, and if you aren't sure, default to rounding up. Show your appreciation to folks who haven't been treated as well by other tables during the other parts of the day.
Actually, reading the Bible beats just hearing commentary. It's like experiencing a live event yourself versus someone giving you their vantage point - it's a completely different experience. Not long ago, I did the Bible cover-to-cover in 100 days without any additional commentary or study guides, just reading the text as it was. It was really interesting how everything ties together, and themes repeat themselves over and over. It's also interesting how the things God repeatedly harps on throughout the text are pushed to the side in today's Christian culture wars. Sad actually.
None of us make it out alive. I don't mean to end on a gloomy note, but it's easy to forget, but something we should remember. Ryan Holiday wrote that procrastination is a form of arrogance - that we feel guaranteed that next hour to get something done. An awareness of your mortality changes your decision-making and makes little micro-moments, like doing a craft with your kid or sitting silently sipping a glass of wine with your wife on a porch, feel so much richer.
If you made it all the way here, congrats. I'm genuinely surprised at anyone who took the time to read that much. This wasn't a carefully curated list at all. I'm sure I'll re-read this a few weeks from now and think, "Dang, I should have added _____." But these are the things that jumped out of my head first. For what it's worth, thanks for listening!
Here's to at least 38 more years of learning.